This Relationship and Marriage Thing 1

This relationship and marriage thing, thinking about them sometimes, I just personally find myself thinking being alone with yourself is better than being with someone and yet you end up feeling alone constantly even while with them—which is a rampant thing in the relationships and marriages I’ve been observing everywhere I turn my face nowadays. I do not like to be an observer of just the bad relationships and marriages, I like to observe the good ones too; but how many relationships do we have around that could be perceived as good? How many marriages do we have around that could qualify as the model marriage? Everyone is just kind of creating the impressions that they are in love and happy even when they are usually sad in it or not even in love at all with the person they are with. The love and relationship impressions created on social media with pictures and posts can’t aren’t even telling the actual happenings in the relationships and marriage at all. It makes entering a relationship or a marriage really scary, as no one can really tell what to expect.

You’ve read some books, listened to some messages on being with somebody; you even may have someone with your desired kind of relationship/marriage you see as your relationship/marriage role model; but the truth is: when the reality of being together with someone sets in, everything you have learnt from all the books on love and relationship, all the lectures on being together with someone that you have heard, and everything you have learnt from your role model about being together with someone, they just become too abstract and impossible to apply to your real life situation. Even all the knowledgeable stuff you have read and liked on social media, they’ll just become so impossible for you to apply to the real life situation when it is you in the situation. Believe me, nothing you have learnt from anyone or anywhere about love and relationship is easy to apply when you find yourself in the situation—that’s something your role model wouldn’t tell you; even the books you have read and the messages you have listened to wouldn’t remember to tell you that. It makes this relationship and marriage thing serious than how we take it; it’s in fact serious than learning things about relationship and marriage from people, as every relationship and every marriage are unique to the people in them; when it gets to it, you’ll just have to abandon what you have learnt from everywhere and face your situation squarely.

But despite the complications of the matter of being together with somebody, some people still just kind of work it out despite all odds. Now, the questions are: how do they do that? And does that mean they have no glitch at all? Of course they have glitches too; they just mastered the art of being together and remaining together—glitches or no glitches, and that is one thing most the lovers of our generation don’t want to master. Yes being together is an art, and it has to be mastered for togetherness to work. No matter how much of a thing you know about the person you are with, you are always still very far from knowing enough; you are always about to find out something new about them—likeable or dislikeable. It just takes the mastery of the art of being together to understand that there will always be more things coming from the one you are with. And unfortunately, this mastery is barely gotten before so many people jump into a relationship or marriage, and that’s why you find them jumping out of it again not sooner than they jumped in. And when they refuse to jump out, they’ll just be in it sad, lonely, and coping with what can rarely get better.

I have been around here for a while; I have seen relationships, and I have seen marriages, and the perfectionist that I am, I have only found just about four or five marriages that’re learnable from, and zero relationship that’s learnable from; it’s even like the boyfriend-girlfriend thing just never really work fine anywhere anymore. The enjoyment and the emotions are always soon to fizzle out; so as the values the parties place on each other. The person you cannot live without now is always soon to be the one you don’t even want to know if they still live or they are dead. The funniest part of it all is how the good feelings fade away in their times and yet everyone is always still adamant (or maybe pretending to be too strong) to admit the sweet feelings at some point always get to diminish and fade out. Who is that pervert that would like to argue that love reduces at some point? I don’t want to be that pervert; you sure don’t want to be that either. So everyone just puts their best foot forward until they will just have to bring forward the bad foot too; and it’s only a matter of time, the bad foot always have to come forward too. Even in the marriages we admire so much, the starting points are always like: “these people are just the best”, but in due time, the affection, the interaction, the communication, the sense of humor, and even the love-playing part of them just deteriorate or even disappear . But then—as I have said—we always like to deny the fact that the sweet feelings always fade out, and to not come back on again if great care is not taken.

 Despite all the realities around us about relationship, we just always believe our own relationships can never be in those shoes—which is a good thing. Even me—despite my skepticism about relationship and marriage—I still manage to believe the bad marriage can never be my case no matter how many people’s marriage around me are catching the bad-marriage virus, and of course that’s what everyone believes until what they don’t want in their relationship and marriage starts to happen. Here is why the unwanted bad things still happen in relationships and marriages despite the fact that they are unwanted: we all don’t want our relationships and marriages to be the replicates of the failed or failing marriages we see around us, but what do we do to make them not be so? I mean, what are we doing to make our relationships and marriages different? How do we do the same thing the failed and failing married people do just how they do it and yet we don’t want to have a failed or failing marriage too? I hope you are getting my point here? I’m saying: we cannot keep repeating the things the failed and failing dating and married people do and yet we want to have a successful relationship or marriage; that’s like expecting yourself to have what you cannot handle. Forget the storyline of the best romance movies you have seen, forget the happy ending in all of them love movies you have seen; just so you’ll get to realize that the few people—anywhere in the world—who have the rock-solid relationships and marriages don’t do things normally—they run everything differently. Little wonder you see around you people who don’t even believe in God having the best of relationship and marriage, and those who know everything God has set to be the standard for marriage not having the good relationship or marriage. I mean, open your eyes to your environment and see what I’m talking about here.

Having the one million Dollars relationship and marriage requires following the principles; it wouldn’t matter whether you are a believer or not, if you understand these principles of relationship and marriage, and you observe them faithfully, you will have the results on your relationship and marriage. And from my observation, it seems like the ones who know and understand these principles so much are the ones who are always finding it difficult to observe them. It’s just like the principles of making wealth; how to make the good wealth is laid everywhere in the scriptures, but unfortunately, the ones who know them are the ones who can’t be the billionaires. Why? Because they can’t observe them, that’s why! That’s why you see the unbelievers who observe these principles based on the little understanding of the principles they have being wealthier than the ones who know the principles inside out. That’s exactly what applies to the marriages and relationships around too; people who know so much about how to have a good one are the ones who can’t have a good one (look around you to understand my point). Believe me, that’s not even because the standards God has laid down are not workable, but because we only learn the standards, we don’t get to learn the application of the standards.

I personally have been made to believe I was in a “God standard” relationship before; but unfortunately, the one who made me believe that didn’t even understand what the term “God standard” means. Same thing applicable to many other people, we all know there is a standard we can build our relationships and marriages on to have the outstanding one, but we just don’t know how to apply the standards; some people know how to, but they just wouldn’t apply them—courtesy ego, which is equal to running it according to our own standards and not God’s. We all have to at some points get to understand better that people who make their relationships and marriages work put so much in it; they get hurt by the other party, but they are always ready to forgive. There are times when ego will set in (it’s natural), but they are always ready to feel even the worst way so long it’s with the one they love and want to remain with. There will be disappointments, but they are always ready to focus on the successes instead of the failures. They say relationship and marriage are not wars, but the truth is, there will always be when someone has to lose or win, but when they see themselves as a team, it wouldn’t really matter who loses or wins; they are in it together; literally, it would be the I-win-you-win-too situation and not I-win-you-lose. At the general level now, how many of us these recent people—with all the intelligence we have gathered—can go through all these with the people we claim we love? We all are selfish! It’s always about the “me” and “I”. We are all egocentric! Who wants to feel ridden or won over? And to worsen it all, we all are pretentiously competitive! So competitive (and denying it) that we don’t even know who to not compete with and when to not compete. Like, how are you in love or in a relationship with someone and then you still compete with them on every little thing? Is being together in a relationship not supposed to be about being a team? Then, how do you compete against your teammate and not expect the two sides to lose? I believe that’s why we have so many people who are losing everywhere and yet they pretend as though they are winning. The truth is that, not wanting to fail in a relationship or marriage is not enough; wanting to have the working relationship and marriage is not enough; you have to do something differently. Don’t love and marry like the failed people and yet desire to succeed in it. Don’t be with someone like you just want to be with somebody like everyone else. Don’t just know the principles of making it work, don’t just understand the standards; apply them!

About Olusegun Peters

Olusegun Peters is a businessman, a politician, a scholar and a crypto enthusiast. He is passionate about impacting as many people as possible one person at a time. Read more about Olusegun here

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